Play Party of the Imagination: 8
They say nobody should be alone for Christmas. I decided to take the suggestion and finally pull all my courage together and go to my first munch. I was nervous, as anyone who first makes contact with the bdsm scene would be, but I figured my time had come and it would be my Christmas present to myself.
Unfortunately things didn’t go so well. I did have a few people come up and introduce themselves to me very shortly but then they went away. For the most part people just stuck together in small groups. The whole thing felt like it was just a gathering of cliques. No one group mingles with the other. Nobody welcomes outsiders. I left early and went home to bed, not even imagining that I would be missed.
I had been asleep for about an hour when I awoke to a strange chill in the room. As I came around I noticed a figure standing at the foot of my bed.
“Jack?” He said. “Jack? Wake up. Its time to go”
I rubbed my eyes and tried to focus on the figure. “What? Go where? Who are you?”
“I am the pervert of Christmas past Jack. You have to come with me”
The figure took my hand and the room blurred. I was overcome with a feeling like I was flying. When the room came together again I found myself back in the door room from my college days. My roommate was there and was talking to me about his latest sexual conquest and trying to convince me that I needed to come out bar hopping with him some night and pick up a couple of girls.
“I just don’t know.” I heard myself saying, “It just doesn’t feel like its ME. Ya know?”
“Why not? Man it’s the best I tell you,” my roommate said. “You wouldn’t like screwing some hot gorgeous babe?”
“Well it would be nice, yeah. It’s just that Im different. I can’t explain it. Im just not into that stuff I guess”
“You just need to try it a few times. Then you would see”
“I just don’t have the interest you do. What I like doing is just different than you do.”
“Man, I can’t believe your saying that. You just think you are so great and you have all the answers. Can’t you see I like going out picking up chicks?”
“Im not condoning how you get to where you’re going. It’s the act itself. Im just a little strange I guess you could say. I just feel like I don’t fit into the same category as you.”
“Dude, you just gotta be happy with yourself then you wouldn’t worry so much about what category you fit into”
The room blurred again and I found myself back in my bed. I went back to sleep but an hour later I woke to the same cold fealing in the room. Another figure stood at the foot of my bead and announced he was the pervert of Christmas present. He said we were going to the munch and before I could point out that I had just come from the munch we were already there.
“Hey, what did you think about that new guy?” One person asked.
“Oh, I know him from on line. We have talked a bit. He his just beginging to explore this side of himself. He is so inhibited. Holds back. He won’t even play in the room. Not going to learn anything if he is unwilling to experiment if you ask me.”
“That’s stupid. Playing on line is so fun and there is no risks of bodily injury. He is missing out on a lot.”
“Yeah. I think all he needs to do is try it once or twice and he will come to his senses and see how fun it can be”
“Maybe its just because he is one of these self centered egomaniacs? It might be he has his nose in the air thinking he is better than everyone else.”
“Could be. But the times I have talked with him he seems so hung up about categories. Keeps saying ‘Im into things different than what the rest of you do’ and such nonsense. Give it time I suppose. He just needs to learn how to be happy with himself and not so concerned about what others think”
Suddenly I was back in my bed. I lay awake for a while, knowing what would be coming next and curious about what the future holds. Like clockwork, one hour later the pervert of Christmas future showed up and took me by the hand. When the room changed I found myself in a fully stocked dungeon.
“I don’t see what’s not to like” said one guy who had a naked woman at his feet polishing his boots. “It’s all about structure. My slaves craves knowing her proper place and enjoys the rules I lay out for her”
“I just don’t know. It doesn’t feel like its me” I heard myself say.
“How could you. You have never been in a relationship as deep and as committed as what my slave and me do. But don’t worry, the right slave is out there for you somewhere. You just need to find her then you will understand what I am talking about.”
“I guess I will have to take your word on it. But I just don’t feel the need inside of myself to have someone else waiting on me hand and foot. When I get home from work I want someone I can share my time with as a partner. I don’t expect them to have dinner waiting on the table for me and spend their evening rubbing my feet.”
“Ya know, Im really sick of you saying stuff like that. You just think that being equals outside the scene and only doing power exchange in the bedroom is the only way to go. You just can’t accept that some of us have found something greater and put power exchange into everything we do.”
“That’s not what I am saying at all. All I meant was that the things I am interested in doing are in a different category than what you do”
“Your really just too hung up about categories. You have to find happiness inside yourself first and stop worrying so much about labels of what people do. Why do you care so much about what other people think of you?”
I was back in my bed again. I thought about the things that had happened, finding the common thread behind them all. I got out of bed and went to the kitchen to get myself a drink of water. The quest was never ending. Always knowing that the place I was at was not where I should be. I wasn’t vanilla, I wasn’t cyber, I wasn’t real. What the heck was I anyway? And why did I have this uncontrollable urge to seek out and associate with the people who were into the same things I was into.
I don’t know. Maybe being alone wasn’t such a bad choice after all. Maybe the “nobody should be alone for Christmas” rule wasn’t for everyone. I went back to bed.
–