Jack Elfrink Dot Com

If you visited this website yesterday, you may have seen this page. Following is the honest, legitimate, one hundred percent true facts of how that came to be and what happened afterward.It was a perfectly ordinary day here at kinkyropes. I had just finished up a meeting with the research guys in the crack kinkyropes laboratories. I was headed over to the production shop. From a distance, I begin to hear a strange rumbling noise.

I stopped, and begin looking around in confusion, trying to track down where the noise was coming from. It became louder and louder. A strange rhythmic clacking of gears and metal. Louder and louder it grew until it was rowning out ever other sound in the building. With a sudden panic I realized it was the treads of a tank.

I turned to run but it was too late. A gigantic armored tank crashed through the front door of kinkyropes headquarters sending debris flying everyplace. Armed swat team members poured in through the opening and began lobbing teargas canisters everywhere. Suddenly two of the armed government agents were upon me, screaming “You sinful pervert!” and “Discussing adulterer!”. I was thrown to the ground and a rifle but smashed to the back of my head knocking me unconscious.

When I woke up, I found myself in a small squat dimly let cell. As I slowly came around I could make out a tape recording playing in the background. “Homosexuality is a sin and is against god. Adultery is a sin and is againt god. Fornication is a sin and is against god.” On and on it went.

“Hello?” I cried out “Is anyone there”

A voice from the next cell answered back “Good, Your awake. I was wondering for a while if those crusaders had got a little over zealots and maybe you would never wake up again”.

“What?” I stammered. “Where am I?”

Laughter from the next cell. “Welcome, my friend, to the George W Bush reeducation camp”

There was an awkward silence. The tape continued to play in the background. “Homosexuality is a sin and is against god. Adultery is a sin and is against god. Fornication is a sin and is against god.”

“What?” I gasped confused “Why am I here?”

“Probably for the same reason all the rest of us are here. Because you placed pornography on the internet.”

“Who are you?”

“Max Hardcore”

“What?” It was all to much for me to handle at once “The Max Hardcore? Of Max World Entertainment?”

“The one and only” he laughed “We are all here. Everyone one of us who dared to place porn on the internet under the iron fisted rule of President Bush. Insex.com SuicideGirls. Red Rose Stories. GwenMedia. Empress M. House Of DeSade. Every last one of us.”

“But why?”

“Cause they hate us. Thats why. They want to take over the whole world and make everyone live just like them. But we have hope, now that you are here.”

“Hope? What hope. What are you talking about.”

“We have put together an escape plan. The ceiling tile in your cell is loose. You can get up through the crawlspace and make it to the roof.”

“But why me?”

“We er, that is to day, we cant ……”

“Cant what?”

“None of us can tie any knots. We were going to link all our clothes together to form a rope to lower ourselves to the ground outside. But none of us knew how to do it.”

“Ridiculous. What about Midori? She is the best bondage rigger there is and her website BeautyBound was shut down. Shouldn’t she be here in the reeducation camp too?”

“Thats just what the government would WANT you to think! Now hurry, there isnt much time. Climb up through that loose ceiling tile and we all will pass you stuff as you crawl over our cells.”

So I did. I managed to get myself up into the crawlspace and had the whole gang of them passing me up belts and pants and socks and shirts. At the end of the crawlspace was a trapdoor to the roof. I linked everything together, anchored one end of the improvised rope to the air conditioning unit, and lowered myself over the side.

As I ran away into the night, I could hear sirens come on at the reeducation camp behind me. Searchlights were sweeping the horizon and I could hear the barking of dogs being released. I ran harder.

Somehow I managed to get far enough away and they didn’t catch me. As I made it to the road I managed to flag down a trucker and hitchhiked back to KinkyRopes headquarters.

Everything seemed to be in order. All the rope stock was still in storage. I checked the computer and was able to bring the website back up online. And thats when I noticed that all the naughty pics in my portfolio had gone.

Bastards!

But this wont stop me. You may not be able to come to this website and perv on half naked chicks tied up, but this ain’t over. I have seen the truth now, and I have been in the reeducation camps first hand. I understand the truth behind the evil governments crackdown on porn websites and I will not rest until everyone knows the truth.

This entry was posted on Monday, April 2nd, 2007 at 7:16 am and is filed under Previous blog. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. Both comments and pings are currently closed.