anti establishement
The song ‘Smells like teen spirit†by Nirvana is a real stream of consciousness work. It covers a variety of topics, jumping haphazardly from one to another. So it cant be said that that the song has one specific meaning.
But there is a meaning being the phrase “Smells like teen spirit†itself. One that Curt Cobain himself didn’t even know of when he wrote it. One that speaks not only of typical teen angst, but about homosexual marriage and the ‘gay agenda’ as well.
Before Kurt Cobain married Courtney Love, he was in love with the drummer of the band ‘Bikini Kill’ Tobi Vail. But she didn’t love him. It was the typical teen story of unfulfilled love. Most folks, including myself, know how such a thing can mess you up inside. It just rips your heart into ribbons. But the unfulfilled love Kurt Cobain had for Tobi Vail had an extra bit of cruelty that gave one more twist to the knife through his heart.
The two of them were fucking each other. Far from being an object of worship that he adored from afar, she was right there in his arms. He held her. Kissed her. Stroked her hair. Had the smell of her on his body that reminded him of her even when they were apart. The memory of the moans of her passion echoing inside of his skull. All the while knowing that she would never love him the way he loved her.
In fact, she took great pride in poking fun at his feelings. According to her, his notion of love was old fashion and outdated. Sex being free, and unencumbered, and without concisenesses, was the enlightened modern viewpoint.
Actually I shouldn’t say modern. The ‘Free Love’ movement in the united states can be traced back to the late 1800’s. The term was coined by John Humphrey Noyes under the notion that lifelong monogamy was “selfish†and limiting. In 1848 he founded what could arguably be deemed Americas first swingers-club; a polyamorous community where it would be ok for anyone in the group to have sex with anyone else in the group at any time for any reason. He called it the Oneida Society. (In case you are wondering, yes it is the same folks who went on to make silverware.)
The same philosophy was there right at the origins of todays modern BDSM community. Leatherman’s Handbook by Larry Townsend, published in 1972 gives very vivid descriptions of the prevailing “fuck anything that moves†mindset that we now term as Old Guard. In fact, he gives a rather compelling argument that any kind of kinky relationship between two people is, by its very nature, doomed to eventual failure. The obvious conclusion of such a situation was that the perfect BDSM relationship was a one-night-stand.
One-night-stands being the “correct†form of relationship was a major factor in the explosive spreading of AIDS. Even today, multiple sexual partners is just assumed to be inevitable. Anything otherwise is quickly shunned as being bigoted hate mongering from the religious right. Just try to suggest that Magic Johnson having nightly threesomes with strangers for a decade wasn’t that bright an idea and see how quickly you get told that you shouldn’t judge someones lifestyle.
Yet the glorification of unencumbered sexual relations is far from being universal in alt-sex communities. Plenty of people are out seeking the fairy tail marriage and not the Hollywood marriage. Political debate over gay marriage rights often highlight couples who have been in a committed relationship together for decades. They want to share their whole life together, buy a house, raise some kids. The gay political stance may be opposed to such an idea as being outdated and limiting, but the rank and file want exactly this traditional family-values pigeonhole so shunned by the enlightened ones.
Is hedonism actually that enlightened? Is an attitude of ‘if it feels good do it’ wanton pleasure really all its cracked up to be? A famous man once described the united states this way. “You are a nation that exploits women like consumer products or advertising tools calling upon customers to purchase them. You use women to serve passengers, visitors, and strangers to increase your profit margins. You then rant that you support the liberation of women.†I got to admit the guy makes a good point. Freedom is the right to make choices. And if ‘free love’ is the only correct and proper choice available, with the choice of wanting a deeper more committed relationship being lambasted as oppression by the conservative Christian right, then do you actualy have a real choice in the first place?
At the end of the month I will be at shibaricon . Newsgroups and forums I frequent are buzzing with folks searching for a play partner for the weekend. I have had two offers already myself. I turned them both down. The first because I know I will never love her. The other because I know she will never love me. Both are totally fine with the idea of doing kinky stuff with me just as “thrill sport†instead of lovemaking. But I’m not.
I remember the blustery winter night in an unheated attic, when a beautiful young girl shared my bed with me. She pressed her frozen feet against my shins for warmth. I knew even at that moment that I was just a fling for her. She had just had her heart broken and was on a rampage to go out and fuck the world. Only a few months later she found her match and was married with a baby on the way. We tried remaining friends but it just didn’t work.
I miss her.
I remember the brisk spring morning, when I woke with a beautiful young girl resting her head on my chest. I looked out over her naked back and was shocked by how much her shoulder blades reminded me of a mountain range. I knew even at that moment that she was dating several different guys. She was rebuilding a shattered self esteem, and each one of us she was seeing made her feel special and valued in our own certain way. Only a few months later she made a full commitment to one of the guys she was dating and moved in with him full time. We tried remaining friends but it just didn’t work.
I miss her.
I find myself more and more growing toward the same viewpoint of Curt Cobain. When love flows only one way, sex is not freedom but is rather heart wrenching torment.
Oh, and speaking of Curt Cobain. Remember how I said that he just coulden’t get Tobi Vail out of his head with the smell of her body on himself. Well, the particular smell in question was from her deodorant. She used ‘Teen Spirit’. One night, Curt had a long conversation with lead singer for Bikini Kill Kathleen Hanna about anarchy and punk rock. She thought that Curt’s pining for her band mate was a ludicrous idea considering his anarchist stance on other topics. As a jab at his emotions, she spray pained “Curt smells like teen spirit†on his wall.