As long as its consentual
The rallying cry of the alt sex community is that two (or more) people can do anything together sexually they want as long as its consensual. Unfortunately its not as clearcut as that. There are gray areas everywhere. The one I harp on the most is codependency. Someone trapped in an abusive relationship might theoretically be able to leave any time they felt like it. But the fact that they don’t leave technically means they are consenting to what happened.
There are more gray areas than just that. I have had this list floating around for a while now so I just want to post it to have here as a reference. For each point there are two questions. Is it consensual? Is it legal?
- My name is Alice. Last night I made love to Alex. I wanted to make love to him and I told him so. We made love in the missionary position. I sustained no physical harm. Alex is my husband.
- My name is Barbara. Last night I made love to Bruce. We made love in the missionary position. I sustained no physical harm. Bruce is my husband and I am dependent upon him for my sole support.
- My name is Chelsea. Last night I had sex in the missionary position with my husband, Charles. I was told by Charles if I did not make love to him he would leave me.
- My name is Debra, last night I had sex with my husband David. I did not want to have sex with him, I told him I did not want to have sex with him. He hurt me.
- My name is Elizabeth. Last night I had sex with Ethan. I told him I wanted to have sex with him. Ethan is my boss. I am afraid if I do not have sex with him, I will lose my job.
- My name is Frances, last night, a man came into my home through my window. He had a knife. He tied me to my bed, inserted a dildo into me and then inserted his penis into me. I screamed “No!” I fought him. I did not want this to happen.
- My name is Gretchen. Last night, a man came into my home through my window. He had a knife. He tied me to my bed, inserted a dildo into me and then inserted his penis into me. The man and I discussed this type of thing ahead of time and I know if I had used my safeword, he would have stopped.
- My name is Harry. Last night, Hank and I had oral sex with each other in his room. We wanted to have sex with each other and we told each other many, many times.
- My name is Ian. Last night, my girlfriend and I had sex together. We both told each other we wanted to have sex. I am 14 and she is 15.
- My name is Janice. Last night I had sex with Jack. We told each other we wanted to have sex. I am 20, Jack is 16.
- My name is Karl. Last night I had sex with Kristen. We told each other we wanted to have sex. I am 40, Kristen is 16.
- My name is Lexie. Three months ago, I had sex with Lance. I wanted to have sex with Lance and I told him so. I have a rare muscular condition and because of it, Lance is the only person I have been able to have sex with for the last three years. I just found out that I have HIV. I was tested a year ago and did not have HIV. When I spoke to Lance about this, I found out he knew he was HIV positive when we had sex with each other.
- My name is Mary. Three months ago, I had sex with Lance. I wanted to have sex with Lance and I told him so. I have a rare muscular condition and because of it, Lance is the only person I have been able to have sex with for the last three years. I just found out that I have HIV. I was tested a year ago and did not have HIV. When I spoke to Lance about this, he immediately was tested and tested positive. He says he did not know he was positive before this.
- My name is Nathan. Last night I had sex with Nancy. We had a good time. We told each other we wanted to have sex. Nancy is 24, I am 26 - but I don’t think really well and because of that I have a guardian that looks after me. He tells me that my mental capacity is that of a 8 year old - I am not sure what that means, but I think it means I am stupid.