and if you believe that I have a bridge to sell you.
So there is this funny little case going on here localy to me. This guy John Ondrik has to go before the zoning board because neighbors are complaining he is running a business in a resedental zone. But wait, there is a loophone in the law. A church is free to operate in a resedental zone, so all he has to do is to prove that his ‘home based business’ is actualy not a business at all but a church.
The catch? the ‘business’ is a swingers club.
So lets join in with our pal John Ondrik as he attempts to convince people that it realy is honest injun cross my heart hope to die actualy a church.
Well to begin with, the fee for atending is a flat rate per couple, with single males being charged more and single women getting in free. His comeback : All churches take donations, whats wrong with that?
Church serves usualy are held latenights on the weekends. But hey, church services are usualy on the weekend so whats the big deal?
You are carded at the front door and have to be 21 or older to attend. Why there is nothing sexual about that at all. Its just that the teaching and doctrine of the faith are so complex that he feels only mature adults would be able to understand the holy teachings.
And speaking of teachings, what are the doctrines of faith of this church anyway? His answer is simple. They ‘worship nature’.
Not so fast, the church has a website. On it they will ordane anybody as a minister to run their own church as they see fit all by sending in a fee and clicking on an ‘Ordane me’ button. But he insistes the ordnation he has is serious and not just a scam in order to take advantage of the legal loophole.
But isnt it strange that he got his ordination just about the same time that the legal trouble over zoning started? And what about his aplication for non-profit status that is currently going through the paperwork. If he actualy were a church wouldent he have taken care of all that long before this zoning issue started? Why no! He just procrastinated is all.
Also turns out that there are swingers who have spoken to the media who confirm that when they went to his place for swinging parties. Im not sure what his rationalization for that one is.
So what about the website and the myspace page saying that it was a swinger club? It had his picture displayed with braging words abotu how his swinger club was better than any other swinger club in the area? Well, there is a perfectly logical explination to this. Ya see, someone broke into his house, robed one of his pictures, scanned it, and then created a whole phoney website about being a swinger club in order to frame him.
- NOTE: The previous paragraph is not a joke on my part or an attempt for me at over-the-top snarkyness. He actualy did claim that. A previous news article quoted him as saying “They even, in fact, broke into my house, they stole mine and my wife’s wedding photo and put it on the Internet and created a fictitious Web site on MySpace.com,”
Just how did the regestration for the website wind up with his same billing address as him? Thats easy to explain also. Credit card fraud and identy theft.
And his wifes outburst at the zoning hearing when she screamed ‘there is no law againt safe sex’ before he managed to shut her up? Implying that she herself thought the goings on were sex-related SOMEHOW and not actualy a church? No explination from him on that as far as I can tell, but Im sure its somethign totaly loginal and understandabal.
Leaving only one question. Why is the zoning board going after him? Well thats easy to explain too. Ya see, the politicians are just using ‘zoning’ as a cover story. Yep, its all a lie by those closed minded politicians who hate sex. They just came up with the ‘no business in a resedential zone’ story as an after the fact justification and the REAL truth is that they just are a bunch of prudes who are offended by the existance of a swingers club.